Adolescence can cause considerable anxiety in the parents, says Dr Anuradha HS

When Arundhati, a 11-year-old girl who had always been obedient started arguing a lot, her mother felt hurt and at the same time puzzled by this behavior. She was worried if this behavior was normal or not.

Many a times, when a child enters adolescence, the psychological changes of puberty can be very subtle and cause considerable anxiety in the parents. Hence an understanding of adolescent development and behavior plays an important role in learning how to parent a teenager.

What are the different parenting styles?

Parenting styles are of different types Authoritarian Here the parent’s word is the law and they have absolute control over everything. This style makes the teenager a person who is unhappy, resentful, rebellious with poor decision-making skills and underachievers. Authoritative- This is a democratic way of parenting where there is both love as well as limit. The teen’s opinion is also taken into account. Teens who are parented in this manner are contented, resilient, high achievers and less likely to indulge in high-risk behavior.

Permissive- In this type, the teen is given freedom without limits. The parent places no demands on the teen and there is no discipline. Basically, the adolescent walks all over the parents. Such a teen grows up to be an individual who is aggressive and demanding, unhappy and without any coping skills.

What are the important skills that a parent should acquire to bring up a resilient teen?

Three things should be kept in mind namely:

Love your teen

Parental connectedness is a very strong force in the teen’s life. Maintaining a channel of communication is the key to loving your teen. Give unconditional love. Do not be afraid to show your affection. Hug your teen whenever you get an opportunity. Praise and pride in your teen’s achievements will boost his/her self-esteem. Listen more and pay attention to body language.

Set limits

Teens despite protests do like boundaries. Involve the teen in setting these limits. Be clear about what rule is negotiable and what is not.

Latitude

This involves giving freedom to the teen within limits. Involve the teen in making decisions. Allow them to make healthy choices, but help and guide them in this process. This fosters growth.

Tips for positive parenting

» Encourage education and moral values » Share at least one meal a day with your adolescent. » Give opportunities for physical activity and creative learning. » Impart coping skills and learning to deal with failure. » Learn to love your teen for who he or she is and avoid comparison. » Be empathetic and learn to

express your emotions without fear. » Remember that though your teen is more involved with peers, you still remain the strongest influence in his/her life. » Tune yourself to the challenges faced by your teen in today’s

complex world. » Become media savvy. » Don’t be afraid of discussing sensitive issues like sexuality. If there is one gift that a parent can give to the adolescent it is self-esteem and self- confidence. This will help them to grow up to be healthy and productive adults.